Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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