there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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