is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
