I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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