woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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