I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize