that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
