She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize