SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
