Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
