I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
