I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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