Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
