Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
