I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
