Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
