I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
