Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
