I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have tasted many bathrooms
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
