I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
