i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
