Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
id be glad to
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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