A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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