I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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