You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
