I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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