Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Operation Purity has been aborted
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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