At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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