epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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