He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's always time for handjobs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
