I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
