I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
