Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
