is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
