i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
