Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
