omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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