im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am midnight drunk by noon
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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