Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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