I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My feet surprised me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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