I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
