Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
