ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize