um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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