So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
