It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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