take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it because I queefed?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
