I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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