Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.

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(631): k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not. http://tfl.nu/ari1

Replies (15) Good night (983) Bad night (7672)
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(760): View more from California

i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

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(760): i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous http://tfl.nu/sccn

Replies (25) Good night (792) Bad night (5329)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.

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(330): Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy. http://tfl.nu/mi86

Replies (85) Good night (2238) Bad night (6363)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it

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(732): and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it http://tfl.nu/ub7i

Replies (15) Good night (4422) Bad night (1312)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup

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(203): You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup http://tfl.nu/qk1q

Replies (12) Good night (4349) Bad night (1940)
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(925): View more from California

I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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(925): I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it http://tfl.nu/75u1

Replies (7) Good night (1259) Bad night (1655)
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(713): View more from Texas

That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.

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(713): That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me. http://tfl.nu/mvmi

Replies (8) Good night (2436) Bad night (1029)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.

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(519): Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him. http://tfl.nu/z0om

Replies (3) Good night (1507) Bad night (764)
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(315): View more from New York

Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years

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(315): Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years http://tfl.nu/qjp6

Replies (12) Good night (3040) Bad night (798)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.

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(413): FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/mpp4

Replies (8) Good night (1255) Bad night (815)
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(818): View more from California

He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing

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(818): He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing http://tfl.nu/62aj

Replies (5) Good night (1314) Bad night (534)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.

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(724): Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge. http://tfl.nu/wjo8

Replies (3) Good night (1572) Bad night (644)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

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(208): Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that. http://tfl.nu/xdn8

Replies (3) Good night (1798) Bad night (945)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

And we're breaking up

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(918): Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash. (918): And we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/t8m0

Replies (9) Good night (607) Bad night (2134)
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(510): View more from California

So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.

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(510): So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor. http://tfl.nu/fpi2

Replies (1) Good night (1028) Bad night (395)

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