he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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