Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.

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  (203): my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus. http://tfl.nu/bisy
  Replies (9) Good night (780) Bad night (4121)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (39445) Bad night (3502)
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  (650): View more from California

  It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases

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  (650): It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases http://tfl.nu/zsan
  Replies (17) Good night (676) Bad night (5697)
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  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

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  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7625) Bad night (818)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.

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  (843): Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way. http://tfl.nu/hex7
  Replies (23) Good night (5392) Bad night (1373)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.

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  (406): I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing. http://tfl.nu/w8ww
  Replies (7) Good night (5447) Bad night (1299)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

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  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3935) Bad night (1201)
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  (310): View more from California

  You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected

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  (310): You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected http://tfl.nu/stz5
  Replies (4) Good night (2800) Bad night (1018)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.

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  (863): hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple. http://tfl.nu/ta85
  Replies (11) Good night (1568) Bad night (839)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.

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  (208): He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife. http://tfl.nu/5zhr
  Replies (8) Good night (662) Bad night (2279)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?

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  (215): Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/vjuq
  Replies (11) Good night (2402) Bad night (737)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.

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  (202): Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice. http://tfl.nu/it26
  Replies (9) Good night (514) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future

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  (720): My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future http://tfl.nu/mos1
  Replies (4) Good night (663) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me

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  (+44): Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me http://tfl.nu/vnu7
  Replies (1) Good night (272) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?

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  (505): After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run? http://tfl.nu/593o
  Replies (3) Good night (218) Bad night (844)

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