Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.