Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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