Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.