He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine