38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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