i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize