Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
