I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
