rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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