Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
