We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
