There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
