Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize