porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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