then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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