I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
