You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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