I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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