I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i now understand why vodka
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
