All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
