Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
