im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
