I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
