Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
