Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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