Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
