Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
