if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
