Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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