dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
