I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
