Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
