i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk