Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat