Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
