It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.