How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
