i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
