you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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