Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.