Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

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  (816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. http://tfl.nu/74j4
  Replies (30) Good night (1014) Bad night (3804)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"

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  (860): she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner" http://tfl.nu/hbdd
  Replies (38) Good night (5905) Bad night (661)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come

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  (574): i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come http://tfl.nu/d7fm
  Replies (9) Good night (5634) Bad night (752)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.

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  (954): Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/pltj
  Replies (17) Good night (4031) Bad night (1289)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"

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  (214): Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid" http://tfl.nu/i4ng
  Replies (12) Good night (5413) Bad night (1048)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.

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  (401): Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday. http://tfl.nu/wqr0
  Replies (6) Good night (2997) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?

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  (780): Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem? http://tfl.nu/k3dz
  Replies (4) Good night (3191) Bad night (754)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.

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  (573): Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home. http://tfl.nu/anic
  Replies (8) Good night (584) Bad night (1607)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.

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  (252): Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips. http://tfl.nu/vfz4
  Replies (6) Good night (1440) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.

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  (909): I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit. http://tfl.nu/gsje
  Replies (5) Good night (601) Bad night (1504)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.

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  (920): Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids. http://tfl.nu/j5zx
  Replies (0) Good night (983) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03

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  (304): Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03 http://tfl.nu/37tw
  Replies (3) Good night (345) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'

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  (347): Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special' http://tfl.nu/d32s
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though

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  (314): I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though http://tfl.nu/f0gi
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.

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  (419): Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women. http://tfl.nu/y0qe
  Replies (2) Good night (467) Bad night (804)

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