Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?