Screwed.edu
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
