My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
